Wow, the years just slip by if you let them! So many things happening in my world. It is hard to put down in word how overwhelming everything is! I have so many, many blessings. Two beautiful grandchildren who light up my world. Kids who love me and a husband who works hard to provide for all of us. The last seven months have brought alot of heartache though. We lost dad to pancreatic cancer on September 9 2011. I had no idea how this would continue to affect me in so many ways. I have attended six funerals of friends and family. :( January 2012 brought an end to James and Kelly and oh my the roller coaster of feelings there. I don't want to sound selfish but I vested five years of loving her, accepting her as my daughter and then poof...it was all gone. We thought we might work things out for visitation with Lilly but all that hit a brick wall this weekend when she refused to let James take her saying that he scared her...:( now it looks like we will need to go to court over it. I am so tired. So tired of putting myself out there and getting smacked around. Even some of my sisters do not understand where I am coming from and are distant. I need some happiness again. Something to look toward. I just don't know what that is right now. Right now I am missing my granddaughter and feeling the pain of my son...